We now know more about President Donald Trump's health than maybe any other sitting president in history – thanks to an unprecedented press conference with a U.S. Navy doctor and a frantic, Trump-hating press corps.
Rear Admiral Dr. Ronny Jackson (pictured at left) answered questions from the White House press corps this week for approximately an hour, describing every poke and prod, clinical test and weigh-in, he used to evaluate President Trump.
"In summary," Jackson told the hyperventilating media, "the President's overall health is excellent."
Yet the unbelieving press pushed back: that can't be right, they insisted, since the Diet Coke-swigging, burger-eating President is surely ready to kill over at any moment – or at least it appeared to some the media is hoping so. (The Washington Examiner has compiled a list of what it calls "the most idiotic questions" posed at the Trump health briefing by members of the White House press corps.)
"Can you explain to me," said one incredulous reporter, "how a guy who eats McDonalds and...all those Diet Cokes and never exercises is in as good a shape as you say he's in?"
"It's called genetics," Dr. Jackson replied.
Beyond the media insisting that Trump is one more burger away from death, the post-Russia collusion narrative that he is insane was addressed by Dr. Jackson at the press conference.
"Can you assess the President's mental fitness for office?" one reporter brazenly asked.
"All the doctors and clinicians all across the country," another reporter told Dr. Jackson, "who have said that in this president they see symptoms of dementia."
No, countered Dr. Jackson, President Trump actually asked for a mental evaluation – and aced 30 or 30 questions.
Jackson went on to state he was particularly impressed with Trump's "cardiac performance" during the physical exam, which is helped by staying away from tobacco and alcohol.
Yet even that compliment was followed by a question: can the doctor address Trump's drug addiction?
"Drug addiction?" Dr. Jackson replied. "He has no drug addiction."
The doctor's first-hand account made it particularly odd when CNN medical guru Dr. Sanjay Gupta – the doctor in the room who did not examine the president – later diagnosed the President on-air.
"The president has heart disease," Gupta announced. "Those numbers qualify him for having heart disease – and it clearly needs a plan to try and prevent some sort of heart problem down the road."
There is apparently an untreated disease at work, quipped Gary Bauer in his "End of Day" commentary, but it isn't a disease plaguing Trump.
"Most of [the media] are suffering from a new disease," Bauer wrote, "for which there appears to be no vaccine - Trump Derangement Syndrome."
What may have sent Dr. Gupta and his colleagues over the edge was yet another question in which Dr. Jackson was asked if Trump was "fit for duty" to be president and commander in chief.
"Absolutely he's fit for duty," Jackson replied. "I think he will remain fit for duty for the remainder of this term and even for the remainder of another term."
Another term? Another term?
It was unknown at press time how many heart attacks that caused among the White House press corps.